DAY 16: Reconnecting My Relationship To The Eqafe Interviews

I listened to an Eqafe interview in full for the first time today. I did experience some joy then a memory of when I used to listen to all the Eqafe interviews when I was 16 and all the way to 20 years old. From then on-wards I could never stomach them as what was done to me, and the use of the interviews to lead me on, etc. I am too full of anger to hear Susan voice. So my way of listening to the interviews is having them transcribed then read aloud by one of my voice softwares. I choice a male UK voice which sounds the best. By doing it this way I am able to reconnect with my process again on a level that will help me on my journey to learn more and to write a whole lot better. I normally listen to every book at 3x speed but for these I want to take notes. I've never been someone who slows down for anything. However, when it comes to process I see it as worthy. Oh and I get to watch the words that are being read aloud too. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tired when listening to the Eqafe interviews at a x2.25 speed level then start to shut off. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with the Eqafe interviews at a x2.25 speed. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel slightly annoyed that I have to slow and press pause to take notes. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated that I am engaging with knowledge/information rather than just letting it be background noise as I do graphic design or watch movies without sound to increased obversion and get good at photography. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that process is worth slowing down to take notes. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped listening to the Eqafe interviews when I already had a new method to combat what those individuals wanted to do which was to take my process from me as he knowledge/information I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I am that resilience flower that comes up out of the concrete no matter what they try to do, or whatever anyone trys to do when it comes to my process. I commit myself to reconnect with my relationship to the interviews by using the method that allows me dive deeper into myself. I commit myself to slow down to work with the knowledge/information that will help me in my process. I commit myself to enjoy listening to the eqafe interviews and engaging by taking notes.

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